The Other Side of Grief: Mourning What’s Still Here
If grief from death is the major injury or loss of limb that demands our attention, the other grief is more like the tiny scrapes, the mystery bruises of unknown origin, and the aches and pains stemming from who knows what we lifted with improper form. It sneaks up on us. Grief is often associated with death because it’s right in front of our faces. We must learn to be present with someone else’s absence. This other grief, the kinds not connected to death, often goes unrecognized due to their countless and unsuspecting forms. So, how do you mourn what’s still here?
Written by Garrett Schwindt
Mourning Life Known or Unknown
Life as we know it, or how we’ve planned it, can change in an instant, but also slowly over time. There’s grief as we age and our bodies and abilities change, when we come face to face with chronic illness, or leave behind old versions of ourselves. We are asked to mourn through happy life transitions, personal growth, evolving careers, parenthood, and other milestones. We have to sit with letting go of futures that never unfolded, moving away, immigrating, or losing a sense of belonging. Our grief can even become collective when our support communities change, are threatened, or disappear altogether.
Relationships Ending
Our grief can double down in complexity when we are tasked with mourning people who are alive but absent, or how anticipatory grief shifts under our feet as someone we know navigates their terminal illness. It’s the same complexity in how estrangement carries layers of loss, anger, and longing. Our grief is also not limited to family. It’s why losing a friend can feel just as heavy as losing a romantic partner. There’s a unique pain behind losing someone who once knew your whole story. This other grief is highlighted in the ripple effects of loss to our daily routines, shared spaces, future plans, and associated friend groups.
Naming What Hurts and Healing
Our grief and mourning are not limited to death — they are universal experiences tied to change, transition, and love. Naming and honoring these forms of grief gives us permission to heal and move forward with self-compassion. All grief is valid. In all of its forms, grief can feel invalidated in a world that often pushes us to “bounce back”, “get over it”, or “move on already”. What I’m asking you to do is trust your own process, pace yourself, and create an environment around you that allows for processing grief on your own terms. Below are just a few ways you can choose to navigate your other grief, however it shows up.
Grounding exercises such as the 5-4-3-2-1 method, body scans, or sensory exploration.
Daily rituals and routines that bring you a sense of comfort and safety.
Meditation through yoga, silence, or guided sessions.
Mindfulness exercises like breathing, stretching, or progressive muscle relaxation.
Journaling, writing letters, or creative writing prompts.
Therapy of all kinds, perhaps at Grace Therapy and Wellness Center.
Normalizing co-occurring emotions or emotions that feel paradoxical/oppositional.
Creating a playlist that helps you name and express your emotions.
Walking or generally being in nature.
Asking for and being in your chosen community.
Scheduling small daily breaks to relax.
Finding a supportive community of fellow grievers.
Whenever and however grief finds you, it nonetheless needs your attention. Don’t ignore it. Don’t push it down because it will only burst out of the seams under the pressure. To mourn your emotions is to be an active participant in your grief. Your grief is an intensely personal and unique experience. Mourning your grief of what’s still here is a practice in tremendous presence, and a beautiful way to open yourself to what this change or transition might bring you.
