How Masculinity and Anger Connect

“Whatever happened to Gary Cooper? The strong silent type; now that was a real American.” A quote from The Sopranos where Tony ironically deflects from his feelings and talks about how he views what a real man is. While this quote is about 26 years old, the struggle in the scene exemplifies an ongoing struggle for men in figuring out how to balance their relationship with their emotions and masculinity. Men are emotional; however, the emotion that men are typically associated with is anger. While times and attitudes have shifted somewhat, men still struggle with the pressures of adopting an ‘acceptable’ identity, which has negatively impacted their relationship with anger.

Written by Colt Scroggins

Social Context

Traditionally, men have typically been characterized by their ability to provide (materials, safety, etc.) and to ‘lead’, whether it be within the household or in society. Some ways that have been associated with their ability to succeed in these expectations include their ability to manage their emotions (typically bottling or numbing), and optimizing their performance strengths (ability to problem-solve, etc.), amongst a myriad of other traits/skills (Iacoviello et al., 2021; Stanaland & Gaither, 2021). In modern society, there have been some significant shifts from traditional norms, but also some repackaging of other norms. Anderson & McCormack (2016) suggest men, primarily straight, have begun to engage in things that would’ve been deemed ‘outside the norm’ for a man, such as having more diverse friend groups that include LGBTQ+ individuals, interests previously coded as feminine, such as fashion, increased emotional vulnerability, and a decline in homophobic attitudes. While most of these changes are more inclusive, it is important to note that Anderson & McCormack (2016) also note that some of these new engagements are more closely related to performative changes and fail to challenge the harmful core tenets, which brings us to the next part, the pressure of masculinity.

As a man who is terminally online, I would be remiss in not including some of the shifts I’ve seen that also pressure the growing identity of masculinity. The explosion of the ‘Redpill’ and ‘Manosphere’ has been a large platform for a resurgence in traditional and neo-traditional values and norms (Travers 2024; Van Valkenburgh 2018). With the rise of technology and its increased usage, these platforms have repackaged older messaging on manhood, such as alpha/beta hierarchy, anti-feminism, and patriarchal ideology, to name a few. While the rhetoric can hold harmful beliefs, these platforms/figures do use real men’s issues: male loneliness, dating struggles, emotional regulation, declining academic and employment rates, while also advocating for some adaptive behaviors such as exercise, male bonding, etc., creating a complex message. This context is not to serve as an in-depth social critique, but rather to exemplify the struggle of how men are faced with various definitions of manhood, which can contribute to identifying struggles, thus resulting in the emotional experience of anger.

Emotional Experience

Stanaland & Gaither (2021) support the notion that the modern man, typically younger men, in America feel that they have more to prove and that some of the cognitive and emotional mechanisms associated with that are anger and aggression. Not only are men typically raised and reinforced to either be aggressive or not given a healthy alternative to process their feelings of anger, but they are also facing even more external pressure and challenges to their manhood (Hill 2025; Stanaland & Gaither 2021). Anger is not bad or good in itself; it is an emotion that can be considered a universal feeling that allows people to achieve goals, protect themselves, and fuel action towards a perceived wrong/injustice (Shahsavarani & Noohi, 2015; Sorella & Grecucci, 2022; Williams, 2017). The helpfulness and harm of anger being expressed can be highly situational and dependent on the intersection of personal and social context. By understanding that anger is meant to be nurtured, intentional awareness becomes a foundation for a healthier relationship.

Awareness is a skill, and as such, can be built through practice. Learn what things you feel challenge your identity, for example, feelings of inadequacy typically manifest as anger in men due to its challenging nature of manhood. Get to know the signs, such as changes in physical or cognitive states, typically associated with increased heart rate and aggressive-leaning thoughts. When we’re able to acknowledge we’re angry, it allows us time and space to think of how we want to proceed. While everyone is different, a coping skill I like to encourage is 4-7-8 breathing, in which the person inhales for 4 seconds, holds for 7, and exhales for 8 for as many cycles as they feel necessary. Just by practicing awareness when anger arises, we allow ourselves more grace to choose what type of relationship we have with our feelings and our identity.

References

Anon. (2024, January 16). The nature of anger. Harvard Health. https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/the-nature-of-anger 

Hill, C. (2025, June 18). Study explores anger, violence, and masculinity. Duke Mag. https://dukemag.duke.edu/stories/study-explores-anger-violence-and-masculinity 

Iacoviello, V., Valsecchi, G., Berent, J., Borinca, I., & Falomir-Pichastor, J. M. (2021). Is traditional masculinity still valued? men’s perceptions of how different reference groups value traditional masculinity norms. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 30(1), 7–27. https://doi.org/10.1177/10608265211018803 

Travers, M. (2024, July 10). Why men enter and exit the ’Manosphere’-by a psychologist. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/07/04/why-men-enter-and-exit-the-manosphere-by-a-psychologist/ 

Shahsavarani, A. M., & Noohi, S. (2015). Explaining the bases and fundamentals of anger: A literature review. International Journal of Medical Reviews, 1(4), 143-149.

Stanaland, A., & Gaither, S. (2021). “be a man”: The role of social pressure in eliciting men’s aggressive cognition. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 47(11), 1596–1611. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167220984298 

Sorella, S., & Grecucci, A. (2022). The neural bases of anger. Handbook of Anger, Aggression, and Violence, 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-98711-4_2-1 

Williams, R. (2017). Anger as a basic emotion and its role in personality building and pathological growth: The neuroscientific, developmental and clinical perspectives. Frontiers in Psychology, 8. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01950 

Van Valkenburgh, S. P. (2018). Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere. Men and Masculinities, 24(1), 84–103. https://doi.org/10.1177/1097184x18816118